My father always said I had champagne tastes...

There I go acting like a rich person again.

I cook the salmon. I take it from the oven. I attempt to transfer it to a plate. I drop the nicely cooked tasty looking salmon on my very dirty kitchen floor. I take two minutes to decide that it really can't be salvaged. In case you're wondering, hot freshly cooked salmon kind of splatters when it hits the floor. Splatters and flakes and just generally falls apart. All the better to get maximum dirt and minimum chance of being rescued and eaten.

I should be writing poetry to poverty and the lost salmon.