It's only time.

I can't determine whether I'm quite old or quite young.

She's only five weeks late but I haven't had a date for ever...

I am hugely entertained by going to the doctor. I made an appointment and managed to get in to see the doctor in under a week. This never happens as she's a popular lady. When I made the appointment I was told to phone about half an hour before I was due to see the doctor to see if she was running on time. So I did. The receptionist was absolutely hilarious. 'No, SHE isn't on TIME. SHE'S running about 45 minutes LATE.' I get the impression that her day is just one long session of telling people that their appointments are pointless and watching irritated people who failed to phone in sigh in the waiting room.

Update: Two hours after said appointment I saw the doctor. And in a couple of weeks I'll have to do it all over again. 'm all for trading this body in for a new one.

hey hey...meh, fuck it.

I was going to write a post about how I woke up melancholy at one in the afternoon and have proceeded to do nothing much with my day other than lie on the couch and read Anne books and eat toast with blackberry and raspberry jam and drink tea and feel sorry for myself for no good reason but it turns out that I'm too tired and writing a very boring one sentence mini-monologue is pretty much all I can manage.

The woman is going to drive me mad.

My mother phoned me to tell me to watch a movie about a woman who seriously fucks up her daughter by being neurotic about food and weight.

The same woman who told me I'd be pretty if I lost weight now seems to have gone all fat acceptance on her heifer daughter. Oh no, she doesn't want me to be fat but she wants me to accept myself and to do something about it for myself. And by 'do it for yourself' she means do it so that I can be proud of you. Do it so that I don't have to be ashamed of my child. Fat daughters must be too stupid to get the subtext.

And she wants me to watch a movie about a fucked up, totally neurotic woman torturing her child - both physically and mentally - because it's interesting.

Yeah, fascinating. Can't think what it reminds me of.

Hey hey

I thought that if I put on a bra I would be productive today. I did but I wasn't. Maybe underwear isn't essential.

I wrote a thing.

It is here.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I was rather consciously minding my own business on the way to the shops, trying to remember the specifics of something I planned to cook. A man loitered, he approached, he asked me if this was Marrickville. Yes. Was I sure, this doesn’t really look like Marrickville. California bungalows, numerous black-clad ancient Greek and Italian women, a plane with landing gear down and moving fast, and the entrance to Marrickville Metro about a hundred metres away. It certainly looked like Marrickville to me. So yes, yes, I was sure. And where’s Newtown. That way, I pointed, I paused and moved on. The weather’s really funny today, isn’t it? Intermittent rain, cold, a little windy; a winter’s day reminiscent of childhood winters. This is how winter in Sydney is supposed to be, don’t let climate change fool you, don’t let the years of perverse weather fool you, this is how it’s meant to be. It’s…okay. Non-committal, he’ll go away now. Walk on. So what have you been doing today? Not much. Walk on. Day off? Something like that. Walk on. So what do you do for a living? Fed up now and trying to shake the oddity. Does it really matter? Walk off. I’m going in here now. Walk to the shops and don’t look back. And the voice following in a whine: I was only trying to make conversation…

These things always bother me a little. Is this really how people interact? Am I so odd in not wanting to get involved? First you start talking to a random stranger who clearly just wants to get on with their shopping. Then you start asking quite personal questions and get offended when they have no desire to tell you. Perhaps I could be more polite but I really have no idea what to do, other than walk away, when strangers persist despite my scowly face and curt responses.