So much to do

It’s going to be a busy few days. It’s very annoying that so much preparation goes into going away. Compounded, of course, by having my house, the child that it is, sat. A house sitter means that I have to tidy the place up, hide the porn [porn equivalent, whatever, stuff that I don’t want easily accessed], stock the fridge/pantry, clean the linen, make the bed and all, as well as clean my clothes and pack. Since I’m venturing away for my sister’s birthday it also means that I have to buy presents, not just for her but for my parents [their birthdays all fall in the same week, think about what a nightmare this is]. Those have to be packed as well else they will shoot me. I also have to catch up with the house sitter [who is, conveniently, my oldest friend] to hand over the key of my latest place, issue instructions to, and catch up with her life.
And, of course, I’m venturing into small children territory. It is custom to buy gifts for small children whether one wants to or not. I’ve dropped a packet on brats so far and I’m starting to feel slightly resentful. Please, she cried, please stop breeding; my pay packet can’t keep up with you. Presents for children are one of those ‘oh it’s not really necessary’ necessaries. It’s etiquette, plain and simple, and while the brats don’t really care their parents do get slighted if you don’t buy for their darlings. I’m pretty sure that people will rush to the offence on this one. Oh no, they will cry, you’ve got it wrong; it’s simply not true. I stand up to you. It is etiquette, though only for some. Young men, I’ve noticed, get away without having to give to children [either gifts or attention], couples it is expected of. Young single women, who are expected to dote on children [you won’t mind changing little Johnny’s nappy…TAKE THAT STINKING FREAKIN HELLBRAT AWAY FROM ME YOU PSYCHO BREEDER…], find gifting quite mandatory. And it’s difficult to know where to stop – temptation has me saying after the first child, the second if they have different genders, and then only at birth. My nephew is the only child I am really gracious about buying presents for, but then, I have plans for him and my old age. Cousins’ babies can be fucked. Friends, well, it’s easy to act all helpless but one is still expected to be all gaga over their gagas. When you’re at the point where just a two friends have five children between them and more planned then you reach a real standstill. Let the breeders hang with the breeders and have mutually beneficial giving parties. It’s their choice. I’ll be at the pub if their parents want me – or wasting my money on trifles like fabulous, gorgeous, red handbags…