I was sitting at the train station this afternoon. I was on one of the outdoor benches on platform one at Newtown. I was sorting out stuff in my handbag while I waited for the train.
At one point during the wait I was playing with my ipod trying to decide what to listen to. I hit ‘next’ and happened to look up – straight into a conversation between the two men walking past. They’re talking about me and they laugh at me as I look. I’m slightly unnerved. But what can I do? I go on playing with my ipod, finally deciding on what I want to hear.
I’m listening to the Arctic Monkeys and the sound is low because there isn’t much background noise. I’m watching for the train because there isn’t much else to look at. There’s a break in the music for a few seconds and I look around. I see the two men from earlier. I also hear them. They’re still talking about me. They’re talking about how fat I am. The music starts again and I return to my train watching very nonplussed.
The train arrives and I stand to get on. Stupidly, I get into the same carriage as the two men. Not wanting to remain in the carriage I move to open the doors and as I walk through one of the men is calling out ‘make way’ and mimicking me.
Because that’s what you do to lone women waiting at train stations. Because you are so mighty and so perfect. Because it is your calling to pass judgement and victimise.
I want to thank those men.
Obviously, I had not realised that I was fat.
Obviously, the people around me did not have eyes to see.
Obviously, I am contemptible and this needs to be told to everyone.
I also went to work and got fucked by a pair of cunts. It was traumatic. I cried. That was even more traumatic.