Monday, May 14, 2007

Sooner or later, the big stuff comes around.

It’s not you, it’s me.

You know what this is, don’t you? I’ve barely typed a score of words and already you can see it coming. Maybe it’s just me. I can see it coming. You won’t believe me but I do loathe those last hurrahs, those look-at-me-things, those grandiose gestures of rubbishy half-emotion, especially as this isn’t a last hurrah.

What? Why? Huh?

I’m sorry, internet, but I think it’s time we had a trial separation. I think we both know that it’s been coming for a while. I’ve been using you, you see. No, actually, you don’t, do you? That’s what I need to explain. Some of it has been okay, a mutual using. I get a little something, you get a little something and we’re both happier for it. Only, I’ve been using you for more than that. Quite unforgivably, I’ve been using you as an excuse not to do other things. You’ve been my pleasure, my fun, my fancy, my procrastination. It’s gotten rather unhealthy. There are things that you can’t provide that I need to sort out before they turn catastrophic – relative to me, that is.

You’ll believe me that it was better on the bus on the way home. I had a thousand ways of saying this that weren’t so lame. You’re great, really, and we’ve had such fun. Oh stop looking like that, I know you’ve heard it before, we’ve all heard it before. This isn’t really the end, it’s just a little break, let’s give it a week, two weeks, a month and then we’ll see how we stand. I know it won’t be quite the same, not now that I’ve done this, but I don’t ever want to be quite the same again. I want my motives to be purer, my interaction less desperate, my world to be bigger. Please, don’t make this harder than it is.
It’s not like I won’t see you, there’s still email – that’s barely even the internet anymore, more of a necessity , I’ll still be needing to deal with email, and with email comes you. We might have the occasional interaction when I realise just how much I rely on google. I will be using other means of reference though. My OED has dust on it [you fuck] and it’s time I brushed it off, caressed its spine, and flicked lovingly through its pages – stopping here for half an hour before flitting there. We used to have a beautiful relationship, OED and I, but it’s been neglected lately.

At the end of the night I’ll switch you off (see how I’ve cunningly given myself this one last night?) and that will be that. Tomorrow I expect to go to bed with clean kitchen and shining sink and the glow of one who has made it through the first day.

And so, for now, au revior.

14 comments:

nailpolishblues said...

This means no blogs, yours or mine, and the internet only to be used for essential emailing and we all know that all emailing is essential. Feel free to email or text or whatever, if that's what you wish or you desperately need me because a blogger meeting's coming up and you [for reasons inexplicable] want my considerable arse there and I'm being all difficult and shit. Yeah. Whatever.

Later, kids.

TimT said...

I speak not for the internet, but merely as a denizen in its mysterious byways, when I say, come back!

TimT said...

PS It wasn't the pipe-smoking baby wot done it, wos it?

nailpolishblues said...

Still not massively keen on the pipe-smoking-baby but more than anything it's my own inability to a) focus on more important things & b) stop myself from being a complete cunt [so nice to be on my blog [ugh, point proven] wot's done it.

And the minutes count down before I turn into a pumpkin...

alexis said...

Hang on a minuet! What are you talking about, Nails? I've barely met you. Come to think of it, I haven't met you. And already you're on your way. Arg. Bon voyage, and come back soon. Your country needs you.

Mark said...

What? Who wants a clean kitchen?

Good luck anyhow. Sign up for yoga.

lucy said...

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

You suck.

(But I get it. My bathroom needs a good clean but I figure the real world gets me for 11 hours a day at work - real world = highly overrated.)

Enny said...

What could I have done differently?!

Mick said...

Just like the Terminator....

....

...I hope so!

Mish said...

Ah, that's coo, that's coo.

You kinda realise how much time you spend on the intarweb, when you could be using that time somewhere else. It's definitely worse than television, and that includes the mind-numbing channels on Foxtel.

Why am i even typing this, you won't read it for ages.

nailpolishblues said...

I am reading comments - because they're emailed to me.

I cheated a bit today which has just made me feel anxious. Argh.

Mish said...

Cheating, schmeating. Back on your blogging horse!

Mark said...

I can see you're losing your nerve. Ready to give in yet?

nailpolishblues said...

Nope. I think I'm about to reign myself in again though [charmingly equine, no?] before I start a war of words with someone who is giving me the shits. The reaction is disproportionate and I am attempting to be 'nice' and part of that seems to be avoidance.
'Nice' is hard for me so I demand lots of support.

Also, has anyone else noticed how touchy I am about people who would categorise me as of, relatively, low intelligence and/or, um, low class or low-brow? And why am I sharing my buttons for the internet to press?

Yes, sorry, blogging by default - do forgive.