Thursday, December 27, 2007

Things I’ve learned from science fiction:

1. Be nice to robots. Be very nice to robots. Be very, very nice to robots.

2. If it’s recently come to the ground and you’ve never seen anything like it before and it’s weirdly glowing then get the fuck out of there. Don’t stand there and wait for the bad shit to happen – RUN!

3. Avoid anybody named after a car – especially if they don’t get sarcasm, this person will only lead to trouble. Alternately, seek out people named for cars; it could be fun, lots of fun, lots and lots of fun.

4. Robots are almost always a very bad idea. Ideas are almost always bad.

5. If some guy introduces himself as The Doctor follow him like he’s the Pied Piper. He is. He just is. If he invites you on a trip then drop everything and go. Do not ever go back for anything stupid like a handbag.

6. If some guy introduces himself as David Tennant follow him…etc.

7. Don’t fuck with evolution. Unless…(see point 3)

8. No, it’s not yours, don’t take it. Seriously, no. You know what, don’t even touch it. You touched it? It’s yours now? What do you mean it’s yours now? No, we’re not taking it with us. Wha-at, ugh, oh hell, we’re for it now.

9. Trust that very bad feeling you’re having. That you’re having again. And again. Sod, I think I’m drunk now.

10. My DNA does not, I repeat NOT, make it me. Or, indeed, mine. Got that? My DNA but not me or mine.

4 comments:

Mark said...

I can't figure out where you got any of those ideas from, except perhaps the glowing weird thing one. I would add:

a) Cunningly crafted log technology can defeat heavily armed soldiers.

b) Nothing is more dangerous than going on a peaceful mission of exploration.

c) Sound actually *does* travel through space, dumbass.

d) Any excuse to use a flamethrower.

nailpolishblues said...

Seriously? No, wait, sarcasm...

I do agree with your additions. How could I forget the old rule about cunningly crafted logs? I think there's something I need to watch. Again.

JahTeh said...

I couldn't follow that post at all but I could follow David Tennant anywhere.

We don't have robots on the home world, we just kidnap and hotwire humans.

Maria said...

I learned "Don't F*** with Time Travel"