I am sitting here hair bound up like Björk on a night out, eyebrows carefully pruned and looking reasonable, and every last little nail filed, buffed, and polished into a messy approximation of perfection and despite feeling unusually good there’s just something missing. Maybe, though, it’s the other way around. Instead of something being missing the missing something seems to have returned. I don’t even think I know what it is or was, where it went or when. It’s here now though and for the first time in ages I feel all capable and hopeful and like any minute now a little rainbow of sunshine is about to beam out from my belly and attack the world. (It’s best not to think about that one too much, it gets yucky very quickly.) This seems to have been coming on for a while now. First I was nowhere and nothing and all of life was beige* and then I was in a funk that I thought I wouldn’t recover from without help and now I’m back to something I used to be. I person that I’d only just started to miss, it took me so long to realise she was gone.
I feel oddly creative, I want to do something with my hands though the only things I have to play with are paints and they’re a bit sloppy for my mood and newspaper levels. Time for me to take up making and doing like everyone else seems to these days. I’ve cooked already so that’s out and I don’t feel like baking lest I be inclined to nibble and also, you know, when a lass has washed up twice in one day her kitchen is not going to be touched for quite some time. I’ve gotten so much done today that I ought to be gently relaxing and getting myself ready for bed but I am restless. The tv and the books and magazines hold little appeal, the internet is hollow and dull, her people are but shades and quite often shades of a colour I’m not that keen on. I feel like sewing but I don’t know how, well, I sort of do but I am extraordinarily rubbish at it. I actually feel like laundering, such as it is, but it’s too late at night and, well, it looks like rain. I feel like doing all manner of things, this has got to be good. I think I shall go back to singing along to Belle & Sebastian and teasing Ernest. Maybe this should become a fish blog?
Sing me a freakin’ rainbow, poppets, the sky has lifted.
* I am very partial to grey and feel that it contains so much more than people are willing to notice. Beige, however…