Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Message for the fat people of the world.*

You are a burden on society, you cost too much and, quite frankly, we don’t like looking at you, you’re icky, the best possible thing that you could do right now is kill yourself. Please dig your own graves first and perform the act of suicide so that you fall into the hole and we don’t have to come near your yucky, icky, fatty bodies. Please let someone know when and where you’ve topped yourself so we can get someone in with a backhoe to cover up the mess. It’s bad enough that you were all fat and jelly-like and smelly in life without us having to deal with the horrid odour of your fat body rotting and decaying and becoming food for the flies and worms and roaches. It’s probably best if the flies don’t get to you at all. Fat people are bad enough but the thought of flies feasting off your blubber and becoming lard laden and unable to fly properly is, quite frankly, revolting. Of course, being lazy and useless as you are we really don’t expect you to kill yourselves. You’re just so, ugh, incapable of doing anything properly anyway you’d probably get it all wrong and we’d have dead rotting fatties littering the streets and making life difficult for the good people. Honestly, it’s not that difficult, you should just sort it out.

For those of you who are too busy holding on to some sort of fantasy that you might contribute to society and be a valid person when we all know it’s just take, take, take from you fatties then you really must start running and exercising and eating right all the time and flogging yourself if you so much as eye a biscuit just as the rest of us do. We all run marathons you know, we’re all really super fit and healthy, we never do anything that our doctors or dentists or governments or mothers or fathers or priests wouldn’t approve of. We all carefully count every calorie and run miles and miles everyday. We all work out for hours and hours and hours in the gym. Every. Single. Day. It’s how everyone lives, except fatties, of course. They just don’t get it. This is why everyone knows that fatties are lazy and stupid – because they don’t do what everyone else does. Don’t they realise that if everyone else didn’t torture themselves into thinness that they’d be fat to?

Sorry, what was that you just said fatty? Genetics, biology, sorry what? Don’t speak of things you don’t understand. Honestly, it’s the fat smothering your brain that makes you think that you are anything but despicable, scum, a fat fucking loser. Don’t give me that crap about genetic disposition or that you think it unfair that you are expected to do what other, allegedly luckier, people get for nothing. Everyone has to work their arses off, literally! You don’t hear thin people complaining, do you? You’ve never seen a thin person inhale enough food for a horse and then complain about how hungry they are have you? NO! It’s all a state of mind. Look how fat you are, you could live off your own resources for a decade, don’t you dare tell me that you’re hungry. Fat people don’t get hungry; they eat because they’re fat fucking pigs. What do you mean pathetic, possibly unreasonable, societal pressures and the last bastion of physically based prejudice? You fat fool, like you even understand what you’re saying, oh I get it, I know what’s happened, you ate the dictionary, didn’t you? You ate the dictionary and are now regurgitating random words. Fucking fatties, if you don’t watch them they’ll eat everything.

* Anyone who misses the irony can go boil their head. If they’re too stupid for that then I am more than willing to help them.


non-Blondie said...

Ha. Have you read that Peter Carey story - The fat man in history?

Martin Kingsley said...

You and Johnny Swift would have got on like a house caught in the middle of a complex thermodynamic chain reaction.

JahTeh said...

Having a 'fat day' are we?

Are you trying to ruin the economy of this country with this type of post. Don't you know the only way out of the after Christmas monetary depression is to flog weight-loss programmes! Count the bastards, lite'n'Easy, Jenny Craig, WeightWatchers, sundry Pharmacy fatblasters, GutBusters, Liposuction clinics.
This country would be down the drain without fat people. We are needed.
Now soothe your soul and go over to the vanilla slice blog and see the new yummy they've found.

Dan said...

I like the fats. You can bounce things off of them. They will always help you win a bobsled race. Leftovers you don't like? Call in the fatty!

nailpolishblues said...

non-blondie, I have not. Perhaps I should?

Martin, I have a bad history with men once thermodynamics comes up.

jahteh, they're all fat days. As in every society needs its whipping boys? Similar thoughts have occurred to me.
You'll loathe me for this but though the vanilla slices look very pretty I've never been a fan. I know, sorry.

Dan, you want me to beat you now or later?

non-Blondie said...

It's about a dystopian future where fat people are reviled as being greedy and politics have made them the scapegoat for the downfall of society. Wow, I made it sound really shit. It's good, I swear!

nailpolishblues said...

No you didn't, it sounds good. I am such a sucker for dystopian. I will have to find and read!

Anonymous said...

What a pathetic loser. Guy has nothing better to do than sit around and write an overlong complaint that is horribly stereotypical and grossly cruel, even if you could get past the poor writing skills enough to take this seriously. I know it's a blog, I know it's a free country, blah, blah, blah, blah...so don't bother. Just because you have a right to an opinion, and a viable medium in which to express it, doesn't mean you're any less psychotic when your opinion is as psychotic as this unfortunate individual's opinion is. This person makes me sick, however serious or non-serious his rantings were meant to be taken. It's pitiful people such as this blog's author who truly deserve to have long, hostile blogs written about them. Why? Because their actions, not their supposed attributes based on body type, incriminate them. Pity this poor, pathetic soul for his misguidedness, whether he truly believes what he writes or not.

nailpolishblues said...

Anonymous, you are a fool. Please take my in-text advice and go boil your head.

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahahahaha... fat people are funny. Bad though