Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Oh look, a new year and I’m STILL FREAKING OUT.

I’m terribly afraid that this will be a Bridget Jones year. I shall be forced to stick a carving knife in my arm if I start obsessing about losing weight and/or finding a bloke. Not, I find, that I need to obsess about these things as others seem willing to do so for me. (And, quite frankly, it is one of the mottos of my life not to worry about something if someone else if willing to do so. It saves me quite a lot of time and energy.) First it was the work friends, all older than me and mostly by more than a decade, joking about when I would have a baby. Only, it was in that jokey-Not Joking way. One of them joked about how I’d have to find a bloke first and then like some nasty spit of a daemon escaped from pandemonium the idea seems to have decided to hang around and cause me mischief. In short, to my absolute horror, my father – unusually sober – asked me if I’d found a bloke yet. Yet. Like I’ve been on the prowl and, you know, it’s only a matter of time until I snag a fine specimen. I hadn’t been aware that I was looking. Of late, quite frankly, I’ve been so mentally and emotionally shattered that I wouldn’t wish myself on anyone and am having a hard enough time coping as is. This isn’t, for the record, some kind of plea for help or begging for reassurance. I’ve just picked up a bad case of the Oh-My-[lack of]God-My-Life heebie-jeebies and have yet to sort myself out. Assuming I can sort myself out, of course. I’d like these to fuck off back to wherever they’ve come from post-haste but I suspect that, like my health, my sanity is temporarily shot to complete shit. I can feel myself becoming more superstitious by the moment.

Jesus-fuck, why do people have to say these things to one?

13 comments:

Martin Kingsley said...

'Tis a mystery, innit? I'm sure these things will seem so much clearer once you've (wait for it) found yourself a bloke, you mark my words. Ahem.

Ahahaha. Boom boom tish, zing, rimshot and so on and so forth. Oh, I will LOL myself into an early grave at this rate.

My civic duty done for this freshly minted year, I now run for cover.

nailpolishblues said...

Have I ever mentioned how violent I get when annoyed...? Keep runnin' boy.

Martin Kingsley said...

Hush up, you know just as well as I do that you've fallen deeply and irretrievably in love with my classy, quite obviously A-grade material. Bah, humbug.

Also, I have updated. Do I get a stamp with three trains on the back of my hand? I'd better. I don't do this shit for free, y'know.

nailpolishblues said...

Keep this up and you'll get a smack on your bottom!

Don Quixote said...

I do remember this blog thing. But I've become rather sick of the sight of my own words.

I was going to send you an email recently. I did a whirlwind road trip up to Sydney to see Daft Punk, and I was going to see if you'd like to meet up for a drink. I'd only ever driven though Sydney in the past; I'd never actually been out on the town. I ended up deciding that you'd be alarmed at the prospect of meeting a shaggy-haired stranger.

It is likely that I'm now banned from every bar in Kings Cross, which is quite a feat when you think about it.

nailpolishblues said...

More like too neurotic to come out and play. Though I did finally meet Mark after several years of trading insults - so I must be getting slightly better [or perhaps it had something to do with the hangover].

I didn't think Kings Cross bars ever permanently banned young men. Not really in their best interests...

Cast Iron Helen said...

What in the name of... do you want to find a bloke for.

You'll spend the rest of your life with your labour compensating for someone else's domestic blindness, and being railroaded into spending inordinate amounts of time with his friends/relative with whom you will have very little in common. And tied to the other partner's spending habits.

Unless you have very advanced domestic blindness and your spending / running up credit habits are more profligate than his, I'd stick to hte happy simple single life!

Dan said...

Ah, the feeling of being alone in a world so full of people. I know it well. I also seek a mate, but do not find one. Let's have a race! First one to get in a relationship owes the other some cookies or some other treat. I think you shall win. I can't even get the balls to get my license so I can do the work I love, let alone find a female willing to be around me during the night terrors.

nailpolishblues said...

Ah, Helen, you've provided me with the answers I have been seeking. My friends and my father(!!) just want me to share a version of their personal hells. Charming people. No, really.

Dan, I don't really feel alone. A little crazy but mostly not alone. (Er, wonder if the two are connected?) I dunno why everyone's at me all of a sudden. Hell, it's not even like there are prospects lurking.
*aww hugs for night terrors

Dan said...

Then, a race to insanity?

Maria said...

"Find" a bloke ... such a strange term. It's like this bloke is polaying hide and seek and you're supposed to be walking around the world looking under tables and chairs and behind trees and then suddenly say "oops - there he is - got him!"

Even stranger is the term "Find a cure for cancer" - Mr Coffee used to say to me, "I'll look in Coles, Aisle 3". You could say something similar if someone teases you about "finding a bloke".

Possibly it could be better than a friend of mine, who in her mid-twenties, got harassed by her parents each day she got home about why she wasn't married yet. I think she solved that one by moving out.

Maria said...

I think the problem that lotsa singles find with the single life is that when their friends start getting amarried, or partnered up - or worse still, having babies, they stop having friends, or the same sort of friends. Suddenly their riends start having partner things to do. Or renovating the house, or looking after the kids, or in-laws to see. And they go out with other couples, and when you come along you're the other single person there among a whole lot of couples. And your other coupled up people want you to have a mate so they don't have to sit there thinking "Oh,dear, Nellie doesn't have a partner, so we'll have to include her in a THREE way chat and we'll have an ODD number of people at the table how AWKWARD!"

The solution is to find other singles to hang out with or force your friends to ditch their partners every so often and come out with you, or to try to ignore them and blend in with a whole lot of couples at parties. Perhaps a combo.

JahTeh said...

I had lunch with Miss Eagle from the Eagle's Nest blog the other day and we discussed this. Her pearl of wisdom, was "If the answer is a man, then you're asking the wrong question". So true.