Friday, May 16, 2008

Things that annoy me about me: speech wise.

The habit of saying ‘oh, point’ when I mean good point, you make an interesting point, or why didn’t I think of that. Both pretentious and annoying.

The fact that I am sometimes [often] so ironic that even I’m not sure what I mean. This is quite painful when people question me and I have to make something up on the spot. Saying what I mean sometimes might help.

That when I have a really bad day and then have a conversation with anyone not a client I say ‘fuck’ like every second word. I don’t even mean to, it just slips out.


colonel eggroll said...

I say "dude" way too much. And use umm as a filler more often than I'd like.

In regards to your previous post, cool links. I was thinking about doing a post with the beginnings of a life list, but never actually got around to it.

Enjoy your bed-in. I will live vicariously through you!

Caz said...

"Oh, point"?

Umm, oh, unique.

I imagine it being something that a Woody Allen character might say, a special affectation.

Do you say it with an English accent perhaps?

Saying fuck with a French accent adds class to all occasions.

nailpolishblues said...

Julia, I say dude way too much as well. I'm sure I'm too old to sound like a teenaged stoner.
The lfe list thing takes longer than thought, also the 101 things. Shit, 101 things are A LOT.

Caz, yes, it is very affected. No-one else I know does it and no-one comments on it. No idea where I picked it up. I say it with my usual accent and my usual amount of over-enunciation. Maybe I'm a precious little poppet who ought to be in precious poppet films...?

Caz said...

Precious little poppets very often end up dead in films, following a brief or prolonged grizzly / terrifying scene.

I think we should keep you out of films and away from Woody Allen.

nailpolishblues said...

Film dead could be fun.

I don't think I have anything to fear from Woody Allen.

Caz said...

At the very least he would adore your eyebrows.

nailpolishblues said...

Not at the moment he wouldn't! I am not adoring them at all just now. Stupid growy eyebrows!

Woody Allen, as channelled by his Australian correspondent said...

Recent Ideas for Stories

- Story about Jeremy Bandido, a one-legged Jewish rabbi whose remaining leg has a split personality (New Yorker, p'raps?)

- Dialogue between Nietzsche and God about yarmulkes (possibly try and work a strudel in as well? Not sure.)

- Detective Mackilvaney, and the Strange Case of the Disembodied Runaway Australian Eyebrows (I like this one... I think I can take it places.)

nailpolishblues said...

Here is the kind of crap I am sitting here busily writing a couple of hundred words of rubbish on: Why would you like to work for the *** and what skills can you bring to us?
And you two are distracting me by making me think about my eyebrows. I wonder if I can work that in...

Disembodied Eyebrows of Newtown Currently Seeking Employment said...

Dear Sir/Madame,

I am a pair of disembodied eyebrows currently seeking employment. My principle skills are:

- Hovering in the air in a tantalising way like a Chesire Cat Smile

- Twisting this way and that in an expressive and arch manner so as to make other people feel as if I have something over them

- Communication, working with computers, etc, etc.

I would love to be working for your organisation!
Disembodied Eyebrows of Newtown

nailpolishblues said...

How about I outsource and just send you the application to complete, O Disembodied 'brows..?

Eyebrow, lowbrow, or middlebrow said...

Only if you approve of eyebrow literature.

nailpolishblues said...

Well, I approve of both eyebrows and literature. Some of each, anyway.

Caz said...

I would never wish to discourage your high brow or your low brow from pursuing a new job - or one a piece - particularly as I empathize with and have *listened* to the misery you endure at your current place of employment ... however, any job application that asks a vapid high school question like ...

"Why would you like to work for the *** and what skills can you bring to us?"

... is either a wankish place to work or their HR people are lazy prats and no-one cares enough to call them on it.

"What skills can you bring to us?" is fine, good open question, rather than the absurdly detailed selection criteria of many jobs.

It's the "why would you like to work for ...", which is one of those presumptive, conceited questions asked by insecure organisations. It's also a somewhat flaccid wank, as it overlooks the FACT that most people are looking for a friggin' job, not a spouse. They don't really give a rat's arse about the organization, it's the particular job they want, not the whole caboodle.

I think your higher brow should complete that question, so as to capture the right tone (notwithstanding that your high brow might be your left brow).

nailpolishblues said...

Government job, Caz. A fucking grad position at that. It's a complete load of shit.

The funny thing with this particular department is my desire to tell them to give me money one way or another - I'm quite happy to go totally mad if only they'll promise to pay for it.

TimT said...

Just make a form letter for applying for these positions so that when they do come up, you just have to make one or two changes to address the qualifications they ask for in the advertisement. The 'qualifications' are always total cliches anyway - in the worst job ads, they're indistinguishable from the 'skills' and 'experiences'.

Though of course this may explain why my employment history hasn't always been that crash hot, I never could answer employer cliches with my own brand of cliches.

nailpolishblues said...

I have a form letter. A beautiful form letter. A form letter that has been stolen by others because its elegance and utter fabulousness. This is a government job, however, and they do not require my form letter. They require me to fill in forms and jump through a series of tedious hoops.

My biggest problem with these things is that I tend to get facetious. I'm not entirely sure that they notice though. It's hard not to take the piss with a question like this: Provide an example of where you have worked with others to achieve a common goal. Er, held the same job for four years. NEVER been sacked from anywhere. Get the feeling that I don't have any trouble working with others...? Or 'achieving common goals'..? That's what 'work' is!

nailpolishblues said...

It would help if I didn't work in such a retarded job. Fuck, explain my workplace to someone who has never been inside a lab. UGH. Even the doctors don't understand how we work.

TimT said...

Oh yeah. All that form shit. That might be why I've never worked in a government job, too.

Mind you, we've got this assessment thingo coming up at work, real annoying crap where you have to 'self-assess' yourself, and then go and get your self-assessment assessed against another assessors assessment.

nailpolishblues said...

Ever since they gave us that survey and everyone panned the CEO no-one has asked us to assess anything. How disapointing. Of course, we've been taken over now and absolutely nobody wants our collective opinion on that [see rats; sinking ship].

Caz said...



A gov't job.

It's as bad as I thought it could possibly be.


- Be painfully specific, do give concrete and happy answers. I kid you not. (*Hello* - eight years, or thereabouts, on and off in the public sector. I know how to writer "winning" criteria statements.)

- Eg, Our busiest period is March and April, when we have a 1000% increase in blood and guts. In the last two years I have worked with a small team of three to effectively coordinate our team and practices at this busy time to achieve a minimum clearance of 95% completion each day without increasing overtime requirements beyond 10%. In addition, staff deaths were kept to the industry best practice standards of no more than 1.2 per week.

- In general, provide three or four brief and very targeted examples.

Truly, what you write will sound stupid, to you and to me, indeed, almost puerile, but it's what you need to do to get to an interview.

If you get to interview, you need to answer questions in the same manner, concrete, narrow, answers that "demonstrate" whatever it is they're asking you about.

nailpolishblues said...

Alas, Caz, I can't give that sort of information as I'm a minion and I don't know it! Also, I'm support staff, not lab staff - not they know any of that shit either, we're all too busy working and usually so short staffed that one person is doing the work of three...

We haven't had anyone die lately - and, I swear, the last one wasn't work related. Well, not staff anyway. Fucking patients die all the time.

Caz said...

No, no, no!

Wrong attitude young lady!

Think it through, think carefully about what they're asking (for each of the criteria) and be creative about how it applies to your skills, experience, daily work activities. Be flexibly inventive about how you describe your experience. This is not a test of the real world. This is a test about whether or not you can provide the answers they want to hear. Truly, that's all it is.

nailpolishblues said...

I've actually found proper applications easier. This graduate stuff is really geared to those who haven't been working but have been or are studying - I'm probably pushing it in applying anyway but no harm in trying. I mean, that common goal question! Argh!

Caz said...

It's well worth your while trying.

A lot of graduate intakes are people exactly like you, who have been working, and have decided to boldly step forward to develop a more solid career path, blah, blah.

Not lying. They don't only take the fresh grads, they actually like people who have experience already and have deliberately chosen to refresh or change their working direction.

You're not at at disadvantage, not by a long shot.

I can easily imagine the form is a pain, not like a normal job app.

It's definitely not a waste of your time though. You have the edge over new grads.

nailpolishblues said...

Yeah, I know how to work like a slave! Also, I'm not one of those irritating little Gen-Yers whose work attitude, on the whole, sucks arse.

Hysterical - I was just writing some blather about a new career path! lol

Caz said...

Ah yes, the *shiny new career path*.

Works like a charm

nailpolishblues said...

When really all I want is more money and to be treated better. I'll take the more money if that's all to be had.

Caz said...

They'll throw in regular hours and a free set of flextime with that Nails.

Sounds like a good plan.

*Cross fingers & toes*

nailpolishblues said...

Oh I have regular hours - I regularly turn up when ordered to!

Cross your fingers and toes for the ones I'm doing in the next couple of days, Caz. I'm far more interested in those!

Winter said...

I too am guilty of saying "dude" too much. I'm ashamed to admit that once, in a moment of excitement, I used "dude" four times in one sentence.

I have to review a lot of applications for my job, so I'm on the opposite side, but really the only advice I have is to not fill it out in crayon or coloured pencil. Also crumpled and covered with weird stains is kind of a No. :D

nailpolishblues said...

Oh, Becky, I'm not organised enough to send in paper copies! Email is my friend.

Replace 'dude' with 'fuck' and that's me all over in moments of excitement.