Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Either terrifying or irrelevant – you decide.

When you don’t like someone, when you have a shared and unpleasant history, you want to wipe them from your life. You want no ripples. You want it to be as though they were never there. You want to be able to pretend. You want to imagine that you were better and they were worse - but you want to do it secretly. You want to stop believing that you are wrong always wrong wrong wrong and they are right because that’s what they told you.

And what did they tell you…? They told you that you were selfish. They told you that you were mean. They told you that they were so much better than you. They told you that they knew better than you. They told you how to live your life. They told you your decisions were wrong. They told you that you were awful. They told you that you were fat. They told you that you were unattractive. That you were lacking. They told you that you were heartless. They treated you with contempt for knowing what they didn’t, like it was odd, so strange so very strange. That told you that you were so awful so mean, so nasty, so low that you were unlovable. They told you that you’d die alone and lonely and sad, so sad. They told you every negative about every aspect of your mind and soul that they could find. They told you again and again.

And what did you do...? You believed them - every word. You sucked it up and let it poison your mind. You’ve always believed every negative about yourself. You’re quite willing to believe those if nothing else. You took it in, took it all to heart. You didn’t let them see. You thought you didn’t.

You still believe them. You still believe them. You still believe them.

Oh, you fucking fool.

5 comments:

vague said...

Oh, I have gone through the same exact thing, only it wasn't a boyfriend -- it was a so-called friend. A fucking friend.

Don't believe them!

nailpolishblues said...

Funny that, it's a former friend that I'm referring to. And though I'd like to wipe her from the face of the earth the cunt has more or less married into my family.

Mark said...

More background! A sister-in-law?

We can egg her house for you...

nailpolishblues said...

The offer is very tempting, Mark.

It will be a cousin-in-law.

JahTeh said...

I have been in this place and it doesn't matter how much your brain thinks it's rubbish, the poison seeps in. If you find an antidote, post it on the blog.