Drinking, drunk, drunker.

Briefly, life makes sense when I'm drunk. And then it stops making sense again and the fun starts. Mind you, I reckon I'm a fun drunk [and for those on whom I've gotten trashed and created something of a scene...well...you've ALL gotten plenty of mileage from those instances, why some of you have even come back to them years and years after the blush should have left my cheeks...]. Sure, I get stupid. Sure, I do dumb stuff. Sure, I get all maternal in the ladies at the end of the night over some other trashed stranger. Sure, I might get so off my head that I'll do something really appalling like snoggng the mates of someone with whom I'm in the throes of unrequited love. But mostly, I'm fun, bitter, twisted, cynical and much more open and revealing than usual. [Word to the wise, I'm sober now.] All of which have almost nothing to do with what's on my mind about now, except that I was drinking when I was thinking and the thinking's stayed while the drinking has made a mess of my kidneys via my pounding head and has mostly left my body. The thoughts, I reiterate, have stayed. In fact, they've had sex with each other and have bred [which, again, is a damn sight more than I've been doing lately].

I've been thinking about people. Relationships. How one relates to another. Most pertinently, how rare, how really fucking rare it is to meet anyone, via any sort of medium, with whom one really gets on. Clicks. Though, that might just because I'm a bitch and tough to get on with. Who knows. And what to do about it? I have, presently, a handful of relationships with various people that are a bit iffy. In two cases I've stopped communicating with people [both of whom I love dearly, and neither of whom is beating down my door to find out what the matter is] [frickin men] because of the grief of the relationships. I've mentioned what a truly, truly horrid person I can be - but hey, at least I recognise my faults - but there comes a point where both parties have to take responsibility for their actions or lack of action. Do you keep in contact with someone who continues to ignore you? Even if you love them? Can you love someone who goes awol when you really need them and who never gets back to you though it's been a month or more? Who just can't be fucked with you? [Okay, so you can. But it sucks. And I'm taking to the streets in protest.] Love shmlove. The buck has to stop somewhere. And so it does. BUT, I digress. I was on the topic of people one really gets along with. [I was, wasn't I?] [Damn, now I'm too lazy to read back and find out. Shit.] And, I guess, I just don't know what to do. If you do have that connection with someone, knowing how rare it is, can you just lose the relationship? Dump the chemistry? Move on? Or even let it atrophy? Oh the horror. You'd think not. But we do [I'm being all inclusive here. Share my pain, damn you, share my pain.]. Probably because it's harder to maintain a relationship the longer you've known a person. [Tomorrow I'm sure I'll believe the exact opposite with an equal lack of passion.] Sometimes, it's harder to go back when there's pain and expectation and an inability to communicate. Sometimes it hurts to communicate at all. Guess that's why we just give it up. Or get over it and take it as far as it'll go.
More questions than answers. A headache. And not even the energy to finish what I've started.
I suspect this is an analogy. For something...