Tuesday, July 19, 2005

from girl bits to....

I suspect that this is seriously pervy and wrong but I much prefer the couple upstairs having sex [noise, volume, and duration wise] to the guy downstairs playing his guitar. I think I’d even prefer it if he was wanking – at least he’d finish sooner or later. I am tempted to go downstairs and offer to modify his downstairs [as it happens endless jamming shits me, especially when it’s a solo effort] with blunt scissors [yeah it makes me violent].
Maybe turning the shittiest cd I own [what is the shittiest cd I own? Why don’t I own any death metal for emergencies like this? Or machetes?] at fullish volume will get the point across. Yah. And doing the washing up will make me feel happy and fulfilled in life.
Wonder if I can sneak into his flat and burn all his strings…
Or should I just set his head on fire?
Stomping will make me feel better. Yeah…

23 comments:

Mark said...

"I think I’d even prefer it if he was wanking"

I don't know what to say about that. You must wank pretty loudly if you have to worry about your neighbours...

brogonzo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
brogonzo said...

Some bastard on the other side of my wall got himself a drum kit, and he plays it Saturday mornings, which we all know is hangover time. I'd go and yell at him, but I'm pretty sure God sent him to punish me.

PS - I had to delete and repost, since my original version had a verb-number agreement problem.

nailpolishblues said...

Mark: The walls are quite thick but for some reason sound travels between floors altogether too well. The bedrooms and bathrooms [yeah, I hear way too much bathroom noise as well] are one on top of the other. Who said anything about me wanking?
Bro: Oh gods, drums would have to be worse than endless riffs. Musos should be locked up together and only let out late at night for gigs [and then only if they're good and people want to hear them...]. Mornings are just so wrong.

Mark said...

I'm just wondering why wanking is such a viable alternative to guitar playing. Maybe I've picked the wrong hobby.

nailpolishblues said...

Mark: Wank. Your neighbours will like you better [well, the quiet thing does, ah, come up again]. Either that or they'll want to smash your fancy amp and/or your fingers.
Housemates with guitars pretty much suck as well - though the worst musical instrument I've ever lived with was a recorder that was attached to the freakish lips of vegan hippy boy from hades...
Behind that it was a mental violin player - though it was her and not the violin that was a problem.
Incidently, i'm bitching about a guy you just plays and plays and plays and plays like he's technically good with his guitar but he's also stoned and he likes the noise... At 11pm or 9am or just about whenever. Not that any of it really matters cause it was just a pointless bitchy rant.

BourbonBird said...

I think wanking effectively should involve throwing numerous hefty objects against walls, screaming, and running around in tight, happy circles.

Or maybe I should just take up the guitar.

nailpolishblues said...

Oh god Bourbs, I've see you do that at work. Whole new way to let off steam?

BourbonBird said...

Oh yeah, I'm nearly always wanking at work.

nailpolishblues said...

The art of verbal masturbation?

I'm sure I'd get more for phone sex and feel less of a whore.

BS said...

LOL!You sound evil!!Is his music that bad?!
This post was really amusing:-)

BourbonBird said...

Who said anything about feeling like a whore?

Hmmm. I have no remorse.

nailpolishblues said...

That was an evil good right? Not an evil bad?
Ah who cares, I can handle evil.
I feel like a whore - all the pandering to other people's egos when I very much like to tell them that they fucked up - bad.
I still reckon I'd get more money.

Adam said...

For sure, people love to be abused, especially in an thought provoking and well planned manner. You should totally go for it you skanky hoe!

nailpolishblues said...

Hoe? Would that be for digging up dirt?

Adam said...

Do you prefer 'ho'?

That seems far too Christmassy.

Misha said...

You should get some lessons from Andy B, he has some good ideas regarding unwanted guests.

I think a good solution is a broom. Bang it on the wall downstairs when he does it and keep doing it til he stops. Works every time.

Misha said...

wall, floor... same thing.

I meant bang it on the floor.

nailpolishblues said...

Banging on the floor is what the people upstairs seem to do...

Adam said...

Maybe you can record the guitar man and the banging couple and mix master it into something awesome.

Going platinum should ease the pain.

nailpolishblues said...

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees the sounds of guitarman being strangled...

muffin said...

I'd much perfer the guitar playing to the wanking or the sex. I use to live with this girl who had sex very, very loudly all the time.

Maybe I am just a prude..

nailpolishblues said...

Actually Muffin, I'd normally agree with you but this guy and his guitar. ARGH. I think it's set to a frequency designed to just shit me to tears and/or homicidal thoughts. I'm sure he can play, and play quite well, I just wish he'd do it elsewhere or not at all.