Tuesday, July 12, 2005

My vagina’s hurting

It is a mistake, even when extremely bored, to watch things such as Big Brother Uncut.
“I have to get out of the spa, my vagina’s hurting.”
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Dammit, why did I never think of using that as an excuse?
To boss: Can’t come into work, my vagina hurts.
To lecturer: Essay will be late, vag probs…
Think, oh just think, of the world of possible excuses this offers one.
I am inarticulate in my amusement.

38 comments:

muffin said...

ha ha ha ha. I am going to start using that as my excuse to everything.

"No. Sorry. Can't. Couldn't possibly. My vagina hurts."

Adam said...

"Yeah, I'd love to go watch the footy, then play pool and sink some tinnies down at the pub mate, but I can't... my vagina hurts."

muffin said...

ha ha. Love it. I wonder how people at work would react if I rung in sick with that excuse?

Oh, yes! I am glad I am not the only "weirdo" with an 18+ card to prove I exist! Hurah for non drivers! Hurah!

Adam said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who plays with blogger all day.

muffin said...

I am a receptionist?! What else am I suppose to do? I spend the majority of my day reading blogs, brushing my hair, filing my nails (I do actually do this), staring into space, getting overlly excited and very chatty when someone walks through reception.

I'm a classic.

nailpolishblues said...

I find flirting on the phone with any sexy voice that comes along is great. Thank fuck I never have to see their faces...

Adam said...

You're both receptionists?

Cool. I'll pay you both $3.70 if the next time someone rings for a female collegue you say

"Can you hold for a moment, she said her vagina is hurting."

"Thanks for holding, she's good to go now."


$3.70 will be all yours. I'm good for it.

nailpolishblues said...

hmmmmmmmm I actually mention vaginas a lot in my job. I think I'll leave the $3.70 well alone.

BourbonBird said...

You are such a whore for a good voice, Nails, even if they DO get your name wrong.

I only have ears for one doctor. LMFAO - and Jim from Provincial.

nailpolishblues said...

You'd think Nails would really stick in their heads, wouldn't you?
Am dying to know witchdoctor now...
Simply can't get enough of that Jim *swoon*

Anyone for a game of doctors and phone girls? I can say benzodiazapines in the sexiest voice ever lmao.

BourbonBird said...

You also get results at lightning speed.

And it's Dr Nakhle.

'Get those criticals? I'm sorry, but my vagina is broken.'

BourbonBird said...

Adam: I'll do it for free. And I'll make sure SOMEONE knows that Nails' vagina is hurting come this Saturday night.

Adam said...

Burbonbird, you're on!

Adam said...

I'll play doctors and phone girls with y'all. I can't say "benzodiazapines" at all sexy but I can totally knock out some "we need to see those records", "come to my office", etc.

nailpolishblues said...

oh sodding hell, will that be on an internal or an external call? You could always do it to Blair - that'd be fucking funny [I once read a post of yours re him and vags - oh how I laughed...then there was the infamous vet commentary 'I think it helps if you relax...']
N actually scares me - not a favourite!
What results were we talking about? ;)
oooooh 'come into my office'...I've gone all carry on!

Mark said...

rofl. Does that mean I can skip work every time I wake up and find some inflammation in the downstairs region? Because I'm totally sorted in that case...

Adam said...

Yep Mark, every single time!

nailpolishblues said...

One for Bourbs - who am I quoting?

'oh it's a Lady doctor'

work should not be so funny.

BourbonBird said...

Who the hell said that? Was it me? That's something I'd say.

DAMN FUCKING ANDROGYNY. FUCKERS.

Saturday, July 16: Nails' vagina will be hurting, and I will play Town Crier.

I just need a bell.

It will most likely be internal, but I might go a Duty Manager or in-house Pathologist. Mayhaps Dr Snow, the Vet Head of Pathology.

BourbonBird said...

*androgeny.

Potato tomato.

nailpolishblues said...

nah, can't see you going quite so much peroxide.
oh dear, Saturday does loom. the fear oh the fear! :P

La Bona said...

Sorry for posting an off topic question here but I think this particular one has a profound impact on our society.


The Pope says “Harry Potter corrupts the young, distorting their understanding of the battle between good and evil”. In a way, he is saying “Harry is Evil, Potter is Satan!”


Well, we know orthodox Christians also despise Uncle Santa Claus and all those at DisneyWorld, do you fancy a world without Cinderella, Snow White and Mr. Mickey Mouse?

La Bona
http://divinetalk.blogspot.com/

Adam said...

What the hell?!?

That commenter just posted the exact same thing in the comments section of:

http://moralturpitude.blogspot.com/

What the heck is going on?

nailpolishblues said...

I can see the link between Harry Potter and vaginas, the Pope perceives both as inherently evil. And has probably never laid hands [or eyes] on neither...
Alternately, maybe it's La Bona and vags that have something in common. Oh I am mighty amused.

nailpolishblues said...

oh Adam...
did you check La Boner's profile?
What the fuck?
Fucking freak can piss off [need I add, and die?].

Adam said...

Nails, you have a way with words!

Yeah, that was some irrelevant messed up crap right there.

nailpolishblues said...

..or even 'never laid hands on either' or 'has laid hands on neither' - it didn't make much sense with so many negatives competing for space. Must stop pausing in my posting. Ruins sense.

brogonzo said...

Vaginas are weird.

nailpolishblues said...

Weird? How so? I find them very ordinary, actually... Common even...

nailpolishblues said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
nailpolishblues said...

Seek and ye shall find...or sit on your arse and they shall find you.

Here's the bit where I quote a co-worker:
'What are we, a fucking dumb cunts hotline?'

Oh how I laughed.
It's being one of those days.
Got something stupid to say? Call me, call me now. Oh, oops, to late, you already have.

nailpolishblues said...

Okay okay, she did it. To poor Daniel who come off from the encounter red as red can be - or so he tells me ['can you see me blushing?'] and who said, by way of a farewell, 'Bye mate, hope you feel better...'
Daniel, you'll never know how fucking cool you are.

Mark said...

? We need a full report...

nailpolishblues said...

Ask BourbonBird, she's the perpetrator. Was funny though. Why do boys blush at the mere mention of vagina?

Adam said...

Not all boys.

Some of us are surrounded by chicks and their oft-mentioned unmentionables.

Mark said...

lol, good for you.

Nails, I'm going to need some background about the drinking bit...

Russell Allen said...

I used to get off work all the time because I had a sore cock.

As soon as you reference it the boss just says "OK, OK, just come in when it's better..."

nailpolishblues said...

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world - people are sharing their genitalia with my blog.