Monday, September 12, 2005

Fucking realos

How can I put this…
It’s nine in the fucking morning on what is my Sunday morning because real estate agents in combination with tradesmen, perhaps that should be tradesmen in combination with real estate agents, suck. Whatever, it’s nine a.m. and I can barely find the right keys let alone type logically. Also, it’s morning and all my windows face east – I haven’t been up this early since I moved in, okay, maybe I have but it’s still painful and so very bright in here. Where was I? Oh yeah. Out of bed, crack of dawn, Sunday morning. There is a reason for this, I’m almost certain of it. Let me fit this puzzle together. I’m out of bed. It’s morning. Early morning. There was a strange man here. It’s something to do with the evil realo. There are very loud noises above and below me – buzzing, drilling noises – and that other noise, a high pitched piercing thing that would make a three day old corpse fall out of bed and stand to. Oh yeah, that’s it – fire alarm. My flat and those of my nine neighbours are being fitted with fire alarms. Fire alarms times ten, you know they have to test them, at nine a.m. – bastards. I hate tradies they keep the most peculiar hours and can’t understand why you’re standing there cursing them. I keep losing my threads as my teeth begin to ache from the drilling sound. I know I want to rant but it’s just too early and sunny and noisy. Plus I’ve taken the opportunity to play hausfrau. I am actually washing up, there are knives, I am half asleep, and it could get messy. I am doing other houseworky things like the washing – such a good drying day! [I’ve committed that to print. Oh no. Someone find me a baby to coo over. Oh my ovaries!] I have plans to [I can barely type this] clean. Ugh. I hate mornings, they make you do the weirdest things.

17 comments:

Myke Bartlett said...

Yeah, what is it with tradesmen and mornings? We used to live next to a building site and come 7am the radio would go on, determined to make sure no lucky bastard was still in bed. If they suffer, we suffer. Bastards. Don't they realise that mornings don't start properly until 10am?

As for the urge to launder, you should worry. Soon you will reach the stage Miss Strange is at, when your first thought at spotting a sunny day through the blinds is not "what a lovely day for a walk" or "we should go have a boozy picnic" but "excellent, i can do some washing." Believe me, it will happen.

nailpolishblues said...

Definitely living up to epithet ‘Strange’. Given that I still haven’t finished the washing up and the rest of the place is still messy as hell it doesn’t seem like I’ll be going that way too soon. I keep having to have breaks to watch Futurama on DVD and make cups of tea to half drink and to use the internet. Did I say having? It’s like studying all over again – teensy bit of work, loooooooooooooong break. Still, I am determined to do it. Sort of. I’d launder all the time if I had a bigger dryer. It’s like the easiest possible chore next to cooking. The only time I’ve turned down booze for cleaning was the night before my rental inspection. Really had to clean.
I’m even having trouble deciding what music will make me clean. Weirdly I feel like Air but that doesn’t seem conducive to becoming char of the day. Oh gods! I could procrastinate on this point all day!

Myke Bartlett said...

Yes, that is an important point. Music must come first. Moon Safari might be okay for the washing up but more vigorous cleaning might need something more aggressive. Something bouncy that you can sing along to while vacuuming.

As for procrastination, I believe I am still king that realm.

Glad to hear you haven't gone all domestic and, yes, she's Strange alright.

nailpolishblues said...

The realm of Procrastination has so many monarchs, doesn't it? Might well explain why nothing much ever gets done.

Belle and Sebastian was in the cd player so that's what I used - briefly, before I had to unplug the cd player infavour of the vacuum [bloody rental properties NEVER have enough power points]. Still feeling like Air [thanks for reminding me] - yeah that'd be right, hidden in the third cd pile.

Adam said...

Whoa! Did you guys get weird when I wasn’t looking?

nailpolishblues said...

Weird? Just as fucked up as ever, Adam!

Adam said...

Are you sure?!?

I totally reckon you've gone a bit further, deeper in this last post. I'm happy to sign something testifyin'!

Adam said...

P.S) How do you not own a camera? Wow!

nailpolishblues said...

I'm waiting till my dad get more senile then I'm gonna steal his [hahaha] - I swear my next phone will have a camera [does that count?].
Yeah, my trivial posts are great fun, aren't they? [You were joking right?]

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nailpolishblues said...

WHAT THE FUCK IS MULTILEVL MARKETING AND WHY IN HELL WOULD I GIVE A FUCK? [If I yell loud enough he'll hear me..]

I blame the anons on you, Adam, I swear they're following you around!

Glen Fuller said...

haha, multilevel marketing. classic.

I cleaned the white things in the sink today. Tomorow I shall do the silver things.

when are you coming to a blogger meet-up npb? hah?

themarina said...

Isn't there some sort of bylaw against that? If there isn't, there SHOULD BE.

With me it was the demolition crew tearing down the house 3 doors down at 8AM on Saturday morning.

Bastards.

Adam said...

Duuuuude, of course I was joking! I haven’t said anything serious since Jan 17th 1983. Cool, for a second I was concerned that you were all anti-cameras, but being all ‘haven’t got round to it yet’ is way groovy!

As for your insulting accusation that I’m being stalked by anonymous advertisers that reminds me about Ultra White Photocopy Paper. Please visit my site about Ultra White Photocopy Paper where I destroy all freakin’ anonymous advertising whorebags!! They aren’t following me, they are taking over the world, why doesn’t anyone believe the hero until it’s too late…… now there will probably be explosions. Sigh!

nailpolishblues said...

Shit, I remember Jan 17th 1983, okay, maybe not. Crap, you scared me, Adam, what is this serious thing you mention? Should I partake of it [better yet, will it get me drunk]? See above commentary on procrastination.

I so agree with you, themarina. I'd happily murder tradies but I don't wanna do what they do - damn I hate being needy. 8am Saturday morning is just so wrong, it shows what twisted fuckers they are.

Ha ha, Glen, I got everything clean and then had breakfast :( more bloody dishes grrrrr. With the rent I pay they should be giving me a maid. I'll either need to change personalities [and shifts, I work till 8] or bribe Bourbs because I'm such a shy baby when it comes to meeting strangers [no matter how much dirt I have on them from their blogs etc] to um turn up... Maybe one day.

Glen Fuller said...

yeah I can't even go outside anymore cause of the strangers... no, wait, it is cause of my thesis... shit