Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The last couple of weeks by Mistress Blues

I warn you now that this is going to be rather dull. It may also be reduced to a series of dull points. The unrelenting theme of this post will, in fact, be dullness.
I think the biggest highlight of the last few weeks has been discovering ebay. I did warn you that this would be dull. Not only discovering, but buying a number of out of print books that I was simply too lazy to hunt down otherwise. I like shopping from home; there are no other people there.
The other day I received a postcard from The LLL which was addressed to Mistress Blues. It entertained me that Mistress Blues reaches across oceans – and not just when you stretch out her intestines.
My father visited and I don’t know why I was worried. Those pills they have him on make him really mellow. Does anyone remember a character called Lobotomy Bear, I think, from the Late Show [think ABC, kiddies, the prats from The Panel when they were young and funny]? He’s a bit like that. Aren’t I mean? The first weekend I fed him beer and Red Dwarf and we entertained ourselves. The second weekend I journeyed up the coast to visit him at my aunt and uncle’s house. We all had lots of alcohol. We also tripped about the central coast on a scenic tour. It’s the coast – we played games like ‘how closely related do you think that person’s parents are’ and ‘spot the pregnant eleven year old’. Later on we played Scrabble and my father beat us every bloody time. I always forget how competitive my family is – thank goodness we didn’t play cards.
The lowlights, like in my hair but more recently attended, were:
• Renting some DVDs and having to pay a fine of over forty dollars. The fine was on a movie that I was all that keen on seeing and thought sucked.
• Having the bus driver make a wrong turn last night and not make my bus stop. To be fair he gave us a fighting chance of catching him by stopping for ten seconds before speeding off again. The irritating footnote to this story is that he did turn around and come back but we’d all hiked off up the road for the next bus that was due nearly an hour later. It was cold last night. And wet. I wasn’t dressed for it to be so very cold and wet. I actually cried with irritation and then had to wait at a bus stop for nearly an hour – cold, slightly damp, and tearstained. I caught a cab from the QVB to home after that rather than catching another bus and freezing my other breast right off.
• The lowest of low, lowlights is the absolute horror of being denied internet access at work. It wasn’t that I wasn’t doing my job, I was, but my job is so relentlessly dull and ridiculously easy that I can, in fact, do it and spend time messing about on the internet. Oh dear, that does make me sound rather bad to potential employers. I push buttons, almost always the right ones, when it’s time to do the button pushing and I answer call after call after call after call as I am paid to do. I do, in fact, everything I am supposed to in my monkey-minded job and can also read blogs and do quizzes and read the news and whatever the fuck else I feel like doing while still keeping my ever so important stats right up there and standing to attention. Believe me, you could do this too. It’s all too easy. It really is all too easy.
• The knowledge that I desperately need a new job before I go completely insane and my brain melts. Totally melts. ‘Oh no, I think my brain is melting out my ear.’ ‘Tilt your head slightly.’


Mark said...

I don't think 'too boring' can really apply to a weblog. It's just your life, after all. But I didn't find that boring either, so it's a win-win situation for you.

Top 5 new careers for Shelley:

1) Punk rocker
2) Topless dancer at a truckers' bar
3) Librarian
4) The same thing GBE does, whatever that is
5) Fighting vampires in a post-apocalyptic war zone

Don Quixote said...

I had exactly the same kind of job. It sucks infinitely that they've removed your internet access.

nailpolishblues said...

1) Can't sing and am not musical and I don't like having to stand up in front of people. I do like drugs and alcohol and am appalling at interpersonal relationships. This could really be the gig for me.
2) My slogan could be - My breasts in your beer now! Not that charming really.
3) My head is not up my arse and I do not look like a grandma yet. Also - don't you touch my books, freako, they're mine ALL mine!!
4) Yeah but no - I really would like to get the hell away from customer service. I just don't have the right temperament.
5) I like this one a lot. Can I combine it with #1 and be called something other than Buffy?

The Don was a phone whore too Wow.
There are loopholes. I can access the whitepages and government websites. Life is non-stop fun, isn't it? Help me, I'm having a mental breakdown.

Don Quixote said...

Take audio books to work. Listen to the classics in between calls.

Adam said...

Good points provided by all.

Thanks for your comment Nails, it meant a lot. thanks.

yes. you need a new job. work it lady, work it.

nailpolishblues said...

But Adam, I said so little. I did mean a whole lot more. You are, for the record, the absolute bestest most awesomest party person I've ever met.

Don, I'm going to sound like a twat here but I don't assimilate aural information overly well. I could listen to the classics and not retain a thing. Hell, I can't remember people's names from one end of a call to the other.

themarina said...

This sounds like my job and I think I'd quit if they EVER cancelled my internet connection.

I wish I could provide job ideas but frankly, I need some. Topless dancer at a trucker bar sounds promising, I wonder if D would mind...

TimT said...

'Fighting vampires in a post apocalyptic war zone'.

Before you sign up, make sure they have internet access.

Mark said...

You need Willow for that...

nailpolishblues said...

See, I always prefered Xander - you know, when he was young and seriously nerdy, before he bulked up. But, just for you Mark, I'll enlist Willow...
Actually, I'm sure one good nerd could fix all my problems, er, work know? The internet thing. Um, yeah.

Tim, Marina [welcome to the Commonwealth, btw :)] - you cannot imagine the agony - and I can't even look for a new job at work! So cruel.

Anonymous said...

HAHA! Another ABC late show fan!

Btw, Labotomy bear was "Shirty, the Slightly Aggressive Bear"