Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Reasons why I hate my body

• I keep having these wonderful sensual erotic dreams that never ever end satisfactorily. Something always comes up, and it’s always something unfun and mundane, so I don’t get to get off.

• For my birthday my body gave me a period, early and painful [still, I was in a drugged haze for about two days so not all bad]. Nothing says hate like poorly timed menstruation.

• My liver seems to be malfunctioning which makes an absolute mockery of my desire to drink away my sorrows and being all ouchy-ouch-ouch and shit. This also means I’m having the most ridiculous hangovers. Honestly, I didn’t drink that much.

• There was something else but I’ve forgotten it. Maybe forgetting is the something? Life’s great mysteries, blah.

Attention!! Addendum!! I remember what the other thing was, it’s not my memory though that’s irritating, it’s that I discovered my first grey [by which I mean snow fucking white] hair last Friday. I ripped the fucker out and am investigating better and more regular colouration. Fuck, grey hair! I feel like a nanna. It was quite long too and did I mention snowy white? White? White! After the initial shock I figured that if I go grey/white quickly then I’ll die the fuckers platinum blonde and NEVER act serious again! Take that aging!

And as a little something extra, is anyone else a bit weirded by the fact that Jarvis Cocker, yes, that Jarvis Cocker, has had an album out for over a week and I don't own it yet? The stars, oh the stars, they must be out of alignment!


TimT said...

When I first saw your comment about badly-timed menstruation, I thought you were talking about badly timed masturbation. Then I thought, is it possible for masturbation to be badly timed? Er, yes, I told myself.

So, all in all, it's a relief I didn't comment about it. That could have led to a world of embarassment.

nailpolishblues said...

I am slightly disturbed by you right now, Tim. Having said that I've recently come [oh dear] close to poorly timed masturbation. I guess it's all about remembering where you are and what you're doing...

nailpolishblues said...

Ha ha me - die for dye and I'm too lazy to change it! I am fucking retarded!

mhe said...

My personal life mimics your dreams. My entire life has been based on having something good actually happening to me, then it gets fucked up for no reason.

OK, maybe there are reasons. The last few days, all I can think about is what I've done to ruin every relationship I've ever had/almost had. Of course, I'm sure I am not responsible, on the whole, for every failure, but sometimes I can't get over the thought that I am.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm the embodiment of insecurity, complete with bi-pedal locomotion and a beard. I never get off properly.

As for feeling old, I can tell you that I have had grey hairs for a while now. I'm used to them. In fact, I welcome them. At 30, I am the most complete person I have ever been. The hairs are a tiny badge of honor from life, like God himself is saying; "Good on ya for makin it this far, mate! Here, have this so people can know how long you've been fighting the fight."

Don Quixote said...

A new Jarvis song features during the closing titles of Children of Men - that's the first I got wind of his new album.

This has not been a very interesting comment on my part.

Adam said...

Whoa! So many reasons. Do you need to beat up your body to show it again who it boss?

Who is boss? You are!, etc.

Mark said...

How... graphic. Hmm. Let me know what Jarvis Cocker's album is like, k?

nailpolishblues said...

mhe - Such a pity when getting off, one way or the other I hasten to add, seems to be one of main points of life. Stop being insecure - I quite like you and I'm right off Americans at then moment [please stop sending us your students - or at least turn their volume down first].

Don, damn, I meant to see that movie but never got 'round to it. Despite all protestations we couldn't expect the Jarv to just lie down and die in domestic bliss [bless, long live The, blah] and he is anything but dead or over. I always leave uninteresting/facetious comments so I'll forgive you this once.

Adam, body has been very bad and needs spanking [any takers?]! I refuse to believe that it is my own sweet self who is withholding the right true end of erotic dreaming - that shit just ain't right.

Mark, you are rather squeamish, aren't you? Talk more with your sisters/eavesdrop on women's conversations...
Also, I've only listened to Jarvis 1.5 times so I have yet to get over the swooning/sighing/oh-yeah-Jarv-ness of the whole experience and, oh, I'm incredibly biased. Follow the album link - it has some good reviews. By which I mean really postive ones.

mhe said...

Well, thanks. I quite like you as well. If I didn't, I wouldn't make it a point to come on here and comment a bit. Don't hate your body. And stop drinking away your sorrows. It doesn't work. I've really tried.