Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Perforated Eardrums

I woke up today and I was unable to properly understand spoken language. It was to me as the bird twittering in the trees. My morning ran like any other and I failed to notice this oddity of this development, or, indeed, the development itself until I arrived at work. Then it came upon me that although I could read and write nothing I heard, nor, as I could see, said, made sense any longer. I idly wondered how this might affect my life and sought help from those around me.

I consulted my colleagues who, rather surprisingly, understood me. It seemed that the problem was not with speaking English to my equals. One said that she thought I spoke quite well, almost surprisingly so. Another suggested, as he understood me rather well, that perhaps the problem was that I was not speaking Dokta – the lingua franca of our industry. I considered this option and briefly toyed with a plan to take a Dokta: For Business and Communication class at Tafe or some such establishment. I thought that this might help improve my Dokta speech as well as all things pertaining to Dokta.

Whilst planning such an epic of self improvement I was, as so frequently happens throughout my day, interrupted by the telephone. It was then that I realised that the linguistic poison had spread further than I had imagined and, despite my colleagues’ ability to understand my squawking, no-one else did. I gabbled away in what I thought was English and was ignored and spoken over and, as I assumed by the tone, bossed. O what horror it is to be quite unable to make yourself understood in your own tongue, or even with your own tongue! I do feel as a stranger in a horribly familiar land.


TimT said...

Why 'surprisingly so'? What did they expect? I'm reminded of the reaction of some folks when I use bizarro words like 'preposterous'. 4 syllables? I must be, like, some kind of academic!

My work is so dull that I zone out approximately one minute after I get there.

nailpolishblues said...

I'm not sure what they expect. Not me, usually.

Given the job I do, the rate of pay, and a whole bunch of other pissy little factors then I would say that the way I speak is probably unexpected in my workplace. I mean really, who enunciates?

Also, allow for a little poetic licence, yeah?