Saturday, August 04, 2007

Adding up

That’s two Saturdays in a row that I’ve had to divest myself of the bedclothes earlier than I’d like. Hurry up and fucking sell the place, this is getting very old, very fast.

Update: To the people who were here earlier. I’m not sure what your plan is. I really don’t think you needed to see inside every single flat in the block unless you actually plan to move in – and, let’s face it, your next move really should be a nice little village where everything is on the ground floor and there’s a button by the bed just in case you need help in the night (and one near the floor in the bathroom, ‘help me I’ve fallen…’ and one by the door, just in case). And no, I don’t know how many car spaces there are, not being able to drive my interest in cars is pretty much non-existent and I obviously don’t own one, why don’t you just count them? Also, of course this isn’t the top floor – see the stairs just there outside the door? There’s a set going down…and another one going UP – are you blind or just fucking stupid? Really, how do such dumb people end up with money? If I promise to be even stupider will cash just fall into my lap? As for your other question…well, I lied. I can hear the people upstairs fucking, I can hear guitar boy playing, and, owning to a most unfortunate bathroom/bedroom configuration, every time someone takes a slash in the night I can hear that too. And on the noise thing, those stairs are awfully noisy and echo-y so I hear everyone opening their doors and clattering up and down and their curses as they trip through the haze kindly provided by guitar boy (as I type this, I swear the smell hits my nose) and a field of marijuana. Speaking of the stairs and fucking, I’m pretty sure someone upstairs has been using the stairwell for just that purpose – I can account for the noise in no other way. All in all, you wanna move in here? You wanna own this lot? Get thee back across the bridge, this place isn’t for you.

8 comments:

TimT said...

If I promise to be even stupider will cash just fall into my lap?

Yes.

nailpolishblues said...

Is that a promise? I'll accept cheques, email you my address, and so forth...

Is it wrong of me to ask how this works? And if it really is possible for me to be any stupider than I already am?

Caz said...

Can't agree with your conclusion Nails.

Sounds perfect for them. A fitting reward for combined idiocy and wealth.

You should be encouraging such a match my dear.

nailpolishblues said...

Hmmm, having said that I'm rather fond of my little flat and my neighbours (hell, I don't need to buy drugs or alcohol anymore - I just sit on the stairs and breathe deep) and I would very much dislike being kicked out by elderly, rich morons. Not that I think they'd really want to live here - too many alternative lifestyles and ethnic types.

TimT said...

As with all of the most important things of life (communism, religion, etc), this cash-for-dumb-people idea is just a matter of believing very strongly that it's going to happen. You've got to believe.

(Not that I'm knocking belief, entirely. Just the endless parade of freaks and hypocrites who try to con you into accepting that they have an exclusive insight into the way the Universe Works (tm), and you will, too, if you just uncritically accept everything they say. Ahem.)

nailpolishblues said...

Gosh, Tim, that was almost harsh and not very amusing. Are you feeling all right? Can we get you anything? Is it the lack of fudge?

Bwca said...

I think you must be living in the flats I used to live in.
Is that woman still there who gets calls all night going to her answer machine? Doesn't that 'doot doot doot" at the end of the recording just carry through the walls

nailpolishblues said...

Who knows, bwca? I'm not familiar with that particular neighbourly horror. I can hear upstairs stomping about though - talk about treading the ground, any harder and they'll be through my ceiling!