Thursday, February 21, 2008

Days like these

It started, before I’d even had coffee, mind, with some random conversation in the tea room. Suddenly, this comment jumped up and smacked me ‘round the ego, ‘Is that why you’re single..? Because you’re bitter and twisted?’ Funnily enough, I always assumed I was single because I’m fat and sarcastic. I rather thought that bitter and twisted were two of my better qualities.

After coffee I just laughed hysterically at things like heroine addiction. I must get me one of those.

And then, you know, stuff…

20 comments:

alexis said...

Why is it - and this is a serious question - why is it that encouplediness is seen as the default (and the preferable) position? It's not like we're born married, and then singlify in a moment of moral aberration that requires explanation and defending.

You might as well have replied to your interlocutor, "Is that why you're shacked up, because you're insecure and unable to clean your own garlic press?" (I don't suggest this line of reply, by the way, 'cause it's as offensive and presumptuous as the assumption that a person is single because of some deficiency in her, rather than because of choice, preference, circumstance, timing, or an insufficiency of potential lovers with amenable conversation skills.)

There will probably never be a better time for me to quote my Canadian friend, "I don't need a boyfriend; I need a cat and a dildo".

alexis said...

No offence intended to the boyfriends out there. I'm sure the sum of your skills exceeds the combined forces of the cat and the dildo.

Mark said...

Kitteh + dildo? I'm not sure I can do better than that. Kitteh + dildo + chocolate and I'm definitely outclassed.

PS: Heroine addiction? Are you changing teams now? Do the ladies appreciate your sarcasm more?

Al Cad said...

Of course, boyfriends and dildos aren’t mutually exclusive...

nailpolishblues said...

Alexis, I wouldn't be too sure about that - the second comment that is.

I don't know why it's assumed to be the default position. Possibly, in this case at least, because the people I was with were mostly older and from pretty traditional cultures and upbringings. A case of a young woman must be in want of a husband to look after and provide her with children etc.

I rather like your Canadian friend. An excellent point.

Mark - kittehs, dildos, and chocolate cannot make cups of tea - this is why we've kept men for so long. Once a decent robot is invented you lot are totally out the door.
Herione addiction was a typo, a charming piece of confusion created by our data entry spazzes. What I found most amusing is having to explain why I was pissing myself laughing at it. Also, alas, teh ladies don't do it for me.

That's true, al cad, we've all know someone who has had a total dildo for a boyfriend...

Steph said...

What a gimpy spined prick! If he said that to me I'd make it my life's work to see him miserable.
Gormless twat!

nailpolishblues said...

Um, who Steph?

Martin Kingsley said...

Whoever originally authored (back in the depths of Time [1961]) the odious suggestion that two wrongs don't make a so on and so forth should have been keelhauled, and thusly people from traditional upbringings thusly need to be reminded as to exactly how hard it is to walk around with a screwdriver through both knees.

My logic is irrefutable. That is all.

nailpolishblues said...

I think you need more sleep, young Kingsley.

Martin Kingsley said...

I sleep like a baby, Nails. It's thanks to my sunny disposition.

nailpolishblues said...

More sex?

Martin Kingsley said...

That wouldn't be hard. More than none? I wouldn't say no. =P

nailpolishblues said...

Something, then, to relieve the mind.

Martin Kingsley said...

Yours or mine?

nailpolishblues said...

Possibly both. I'm spending the next two nights with my old friend alcohol though so I should be good.

belongum said...

"...Something, then, to relieve the mind."

Ooh errr... I'm just scared as to where THAT conversation might be going ;-)

People drop some mindless doozies in your ears at times!

The BASTARDS!

Reminds me of the mother-in-law who upon opening her front door, met her daughters fiance for the first time...
Startled look followed by:
"... omg - I'm going to have BLACK grandchildren!"

Ahem...

You'll never realise just how CLOSE she was, to slamming that door shut in my face!

Amazing control she displayed - believe me... she never used my name the whole time I was engaged to her daughter!

A woman with some isues me thinks... don't know why
;-)

Mish said...

Bitter and twisted? At least they offer a suggestion. It's better than the age old "Why are you single" question that haunts every singleton at every conversation around the water cooler. Christ people are cunts sometimes.

nailpolishblues said...

Belongum, just close your eyes and think of England or something, you'll be right :p

I'm guessing the muvver-in-law didn't say that in an excited ooh-how-wonderfully-cosmopolitan and/or yay-grandchildren kinda way then...?

Personally, I'm still searching for that nice Vietnamese man-boy that will make my father have an apoplexy... My sense of humour might be a bit broken though.

nailpolishblues said...

I think you probably hide your bitter and twisted better than I do, Mish. It's obvious that they're thinking 'awww, what a nice charming young thing that Mish is...now let's find her a man and make her have fourteen children so that she gets all old and ugly before her time [like us]...'

Al Cad said...

Steph, I posted a rather hostile comment which I deleted almost immediately. However, it occurred to me that you might have been subscribing to comments or something, so just wanted to clarify that what I said was due to a misunderstanding – soz!