Saturday, May 03, 2008

That’s the thing about entropy…

I am having a week off work soon. It is solely for the purposes of recouping my self. I have been so fragmented lately, so confused, so quietly distraught. I mistrust everything that relates to me and quite a lot that doesn’t. I can no longer think and I don’t know anything. I am tired. Worse, I am totally fed up.

I feel friendless in a sea of people. I have forgotten how to interact with most people. I think I inadvertently snubbed someone at Newtown station today simply because I didn’t expect her to be there. She was not of my routine and therefore not entirely real and my glassy eyes and vacant expression told her so in a way that I regret.

I desperately need to find a way back into myself, to find a person that I don’t entirely despise, to find a hope for the future before I decay and become one of those sad old women. Oh, I can feel her broken old fingers on my shoulders; she’s so close to claiming me as her own. I am grey, suddenly, all over, and she knows it, she knows it.

In the shower, moments ago, hours ago, monets ago, I decided that on my mini holiday I will spend one entire day in bed. From there I will contemplate my life and formulate plans. I think I will buy new sheets just for the occasion. I may even purchase some cardboard and textas and draw myself a new life.

3 comments:

colonel eggroll said...

I hope your holiday brings some much needed rest and relaxation. Seems like everyone is feeling a bit bleh lately.

JahTeh said...

Here Miss Nails, I'll have you know I've never laid one of my broken old fingers on your shoulder and that smell of decay is merely my soggy sneakers.

You just wait until you're two months away from 60 then deal with the raging depression, not that I'd know not turning the big 0 myself but I've heard it said that it's not a good time.

If you buy 400 thread count sheets in pale pink, can I borrow them for my birthday, if I was having one that is.

nailpolishblues said...

Aw, thanks, Julia. Pity it's not for another week though.

JahTeh, I was thinking 600 and pistachio actually... I've got some hot pink that are fading at an alarming rate though.
Anything with an 0 at the end is kinda bad news. 0s are so bold and obvious.