I feel pretty much shit all the time now. Ill, lacking appetite (this could be a good thing so I’m not knocking it except the only food I find really appetising is cheese, go figure), tired, randomly sore in spine and muscles and joints and innards, psychotically emotional, tender in the glands, headachy and yet remaining upright, non-feverish and not sufficiently ill to jettison normal life and take to the couch. I’m also monumentally sooky. I had a massive sook on Friday night – I can’t even remember why – and another last night and I very much feel like doing so again. I loathe crying, you’ve no idea how cranky it makes me to cry even once in a month. Twice in two days makes me feel like a nervous breakdown has crooked its little finger and all my sense has deserted me as the pointless boring tears follow an order that came from elsewhere. This is not me. Oh no, sir, not me. And just to shit me off that little bit further the pesky ankle that I hurt earlier in the year is refusing to heal. Well, it heals fine but it doesn’t seem to be getting better.
There is a sliver lining however. Feeling like hell and feeling like I look like shit is, apparently, the opposite of how I actually look. I’ve received a number of unexpected compliments entirely based on my looks. Admittedly, one of them has left an awful tension residue between the comlimenter and me but I’m sure we’ll stop being embarrassed about it eventually. Given that we work together I’d really rather prefer sooner. (And thank you, Mitzi, for being so sweet today. I didn’t quite manage to work it into conversation but, by gods, you have an awesome rack.) Life is quite funny, isn’t it?
Otherwise, I have been making long and short term plans and wondering how in hell I can possibly get a decent haircut for my present budget (that would be for free). I have got plans and a direction but, alas, before I can really start my plans I need to get better – healthwise – and I need to axe some debt. A year should make a massive difference but it is such a bloody long time and I am, in a rather exhausted fashion, champing at the bit. I suspect that the new year is going to be all about poverty and naps. Also, I really need to focus on eating something that isn’t cheese. That last one should definitely be a resolution.
Oh, and while I’m talking about years, has anyone actually had a good 2009? Everyone I speak with seems to have had a shit year. I’ve had a really shit year. Work has sucked and I haven’t managed to get a new job which sucks even harder and I’ve been unwell since April. I have figured out a new plan for my life though which has got to be good. And if a certain someone could get his shit together then, you know, the fun could begin. Well, so long as it didn’t cost anything and contributed to my overall health and wellbeing…