You’re going to have some trouble getting out of bed. It’ll be cold and windy and you will be too lazy to crawl to the end of the bed to find your kicked-to-the-floor quilt. You will lay there under a sheet shivery and madly dream fantasising about impossible men for two hours with your alarm clock going off every nine minutes. Nothing in the whole rest of your day will compare to those dream fantasies and you will spend the whole day wanting to lie down and curl up into them. You will, reluctantly, get up at midday and shower. At this point it will seem like you might do something with your day. This is a delusion and it will not last. You will sit on the computer, playing on the internet and wishing you had some real friends so that you could ignore them instead, while drinking endless cups of tea and eating miniature crunchies until you run out. You’re clever enough to never run out of tea but the crunchies will eventually become an issue.
You will continue sitting at the computer but will contemplate lying on the couch. An afternoon nap seems like a good idea but naps make you cranky so you’ll hold out as long as possible. Oh, those dream boys, how they beckon. A part of you thinks you might still get something done and you know that there’s plenty of stuff that you ought to do but it all seems like too much effort. You half wish that you were sick as an excuse for being this lazy but at worst your body is still processing all of last night’s chemicals – those nachos were one hell of a mistake but you could totally go them again.
You will start to resent the sun shining and will continue to resent the wind blowing and blowing and blowing and for fuck’s sake stop with the blowing and blowing.
You will start writing as an excuse not to do anything else. You will call this being creative and will write a terribly boring post about your very dull day in a style that is, quite frankly, as irritating as it is stolen. You won’t repent though and you will post this mess. You’ll write some more crap first but it’ll only be filler, you’ll know it and your three readers will know it. You think that maybe they deserve better but hey, you’re not holding a knife to their throat, they can leave if they want to but no, they keep reading, there’s nothing bloggers like better than a train wreck of a post.
You will spend some more time thinking about chocolate and boys who don’t even know you exist and of interesting ways of combining the two. You will share this thought with as many people as possible because, well, you really haven’t anything better to do. You will be amused by the fact that one of those boys may even read the post but figure that if he makes it to the end he’s probably insane anyway. You will be even more amused by the fact that someone somewhere just got very frightened by the previous sentence. And that someone else probably thinks they know what you’re talking about, just exactly what you’re talking about. Hell, they may even be right but you’ll play the sphinx and never really let on, well, maybe a little but it’ll be a game and you’ll play it like a pro.
You will really regret eating that last crunchie so soon in the day. You’ve run out of ideas, well, not so much ideas but the energy to write them and will, possibly just keep writing until you reach a convenient mid-point in a sentence and then you’ll just drop and publish without another thought. You’ll publish with flaws and all because you can’t be bothered proofing. People are pretty used to this by now anyway. Sometimes you think –