Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Electric Dreams

Mostly, I’m pretty cool with the living alone and being all independent and self-reliant and shit. Every so often though something, usually to do with an electrical appliance, goes wrong and all of a sudden I’m on a chair screaming at the mouse on the floor. [Note for the slow: I can cope with the wee furry mousies, they’re cute.] Or possibly on a chair wondering why I remain that couple of inches too short to change the light bulb in the kitchen. Or looking at my DVD player in horror as it pokes its empty tongue out at me. The tongue upon which I had recently placed a DVD. A borrowed DVD. And I sit there and wonder about this cruel electrical conspiracy. Lest I sound paranoid, and I do, I’ve had appliances explode on me or merely die at a single look. I am like some creepy girl from a Stephen King novel when it comes to all things dryer. They don’t like me.
I’m pretty used to the betrayal of the light bulbs. They’re such whores. One day they love you and are happy to be switched on and off with gay abandon. The next it’s one flick and the fucker is deader than that mouse [again, not the furry variety] you’ve just thrown against the wall. The DVD player has shocked me. We had such a good relationship. We’ve laughed and cried, mostly over my use of the remote control, and had such lovely times. Now it’s sitting there smugly going ‘you won’t be using me for a long, long time, ya silly bint’. Damned but the machine is right. Knowing my inability to put things back the way I found them I am rather reluctant to unscrew her and dig about in her guts for a wayward disc. And so she’ll stay until I do, or find someone else to do, something about it.
This is one of those times that I feel rather helpless and slightly silly

9 comments:

mhe said...

Maybe it's pregnant and hungry?

Rachy said...

Have you noticed that even though the light bulb blows and you can hear that crackling sound when it does, that you still flick it on and off again just to check?

I can't wait to leave by myself again, or at least share with a friend. I'm thinking within the next year or two I will do it, I just need to get settled into work and Uni.

It's so cool I can say that finally. Work. I actually have a job. Where I have to turn up. Where the work I do is appreciated. It's not paid work, but the position is as rare as hen's teeth.

Rachy said...

LIVE by myself again, not leave

* grumble grumble * fucking voice recognition software * grumble grumble *

nailpolishblues said...

mhe - What kind of baby do you think a dvd player has? I mean, this isn't Noah's electrical ark, I don't have two of the fuckers, so who, or what, impregnated my dvd player, what will it give birth to, and how many dvds will it eat before it does? Deep and important questions! Put on your thinking cap.

Rachy, your voice recogntion frequently does [A LOT] better than my fingers. I think I want me some.
And yes, I did flick it off again and on again and off again. Now I'm annoyed with myself for not having put an energy saver in. Those things last for ages.
Living away from your parents is always the most awesome feeling isn't it? I mean, no matter how great they are you're always their baby and they tend to want to treat you that way when you least want it.
Also, I fucking love your job and your ability to do the language thing [which I suck hugely at]. Bet it leads to something even more awesome.

themarina said...

Man, the DVD player hates me too. I've broken two in two years and having a man around the house hasn't helped me any.

mhe said...

How do I know what other electronics your DVD player may be mating with? What if it's a whore and has screwed everything from your toaster to your alarm clock? Maybe it's married to the old VCR you have stashed away, and sobs every night for it's love. Did you ever have "the talk" with it, because it's apparent that it's not using protection.

nailpolishblues said...

mhe, you could be right about her - I'm sure I spotted come crumbs...what a whore, that toaster's a total dero and like double her age.

Marina, I don't really need the help of a bloke - just of someone who isn't slightly afraid of electrical things.

Rachy said...

I'm pretty excited about the job as well, but it really is hard work... going into the office is actually fun, but all the hard work that I put in during the week is rather laborious no matter how interesting.

To be honest I think you could learn another language as well. I don't regard myself as smart or anything that I learnt German because it's not like I picked it up through study at school, I learnt it because I was a lucky ass bitch to live there and just pick it up by listening... that's what you do when you're stuck at school for six hours a day listening to a language which you don't freak keen well understand

voice recognition rocks, if I can work out how to burn the CDs that I have (I've got the original program CDs) I will send them up to you

lucy said...

Yeah, I suffer with cleaning the bathroom. The scrubbing! The aching back! That I'd like to palm off.

Actually having 12 foot ceilings are awesome and all until you have to change the damned bulb.

Solution - lamps, a lot of lamps.