Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Electric Dreams

Mostly, I’m pretty cool with the living alone and being all independent and self-reliant and shit. Every so often though something, usually to do with an electrical appliance, goes wrong and all of a sudden I’m on a chair screaming at the mouse on the floor. [Note for the slow: I can cope with the wee furry mousies, they’re cute.] Or possibly on a chair wondering why I remain that couple of inches too short to change the light bulb in the kitchen. Or looking at my DVD player in horror as it pokes its empty tongue out at me. The tongue upon which I had recently placed a DVD. A borrowed DVD. And I sit there and wonder about this cruel electrical conspiracy. Lest I sound paranoid, and I do, I’ve had appliances explode on me or merely die at a single look. I am like some creepy girl from a Stephen King novel when it comes to all things dryer. They don’t like me.
I’m pretty used to the betrayal of the light bulbs. They’re such whores. One day they love you and are happy to be switched on and off with gay abandon. The next it’s one flick and the fucker is deader than that mouse [again, not the furry variety] you’ve just thrown against the wall. The DVD player has shocked me. We had such a good relationship. We’ve laughed and cried, mostly over my use of the remote control, and had such lovely times. Now it’s sitting there smugly going ‘you won’t be using me for a long, long time, ya silly bint’. Damned but the machine is right. Knowing my inability to put things back the way I found them I am rather reluctant to unscrew her and dig about in her guts for a wayward disc. And so she’ll stay until I do, or find someone else to do, something about it.
This is one of those times that I feel rather helpless and slightly silly

6 comments:

Dan said...

Maybe it's pregnant and hungry?

Shelley said...

mhe - What kind of baby do you think a dvd player has? I mean, this isn't Noah's electrical ark, I don't have two of the fuckers, so who, or what, impregnated my dvd player, what will it give birth to, and how many dvds will it eat before it does? Deep and important questions! Put on your thinking cap.

Rachy, your voice recogntion frequently does [A LOT] better than my fingers. I think I want me some.
And yes, I did flick it off again and on again and off again. Now I'm annoyed with myself for not having put an energy saver in. Those things last for ages.
Living away from your parents is always the most awesome feeling isn't it? I mean, no matter how great they are you're always their baby and they tend to want to treat you that way when you least want it.
Also, I fucking love your job and your ability to do the language thing [which I suck hugely at]. Bet it leads to something even more awesome.

Unknown said...

Man, the DVD player hates me too. I've broken two in two years and having a man around the house hasn't helped me any.

Dan said...

How do I know what other electronics your DVD player may be mating with? What if it's a whore and has screwed everything from your toaster to your alarm clock? Maybe it's married to the old VCR you have stashed away, and sobs every night for it's love. Did you ever have "the talk" with it, because it's apparent that it's not using protection.

Shelley said...

mhe, you could be right about her - I'm sure I spotted come crumbs...what a whore, that toaster's a total dero and like double her age.

Marina, I don't really need the help of a bloke - just of someone who isn't slightly afraid of electrical things.

lucy said...

Yeah, I suffer with cleaning the bathroom. The scrubbing! The aching back! That I'd like to palm off.

Actually having 12 foot ceilings are awesome and all until you have to change the damned bulb.

Solution - lamps, a lot of lamps.