This meatlessness thing is not so much fun. I have to concentrate way too much on food and it's frankly annoying. Still, I am resolved that next month I shall give up chocolate because it's an evil addiction andI want out. I once knew a guy who gave up chocolate. I mean, sure, he wasn't a drinker and he was a weird sporto and stuff [ie he had that thing, that self thing, no, not self abuse, self discipline] but apparently it is possible to give up chocolate. I do issue a warning though - through a gob full of sweet, sweet chocolate - I would avoid me like the plague if, at any stage next month [and, uh, duh] I display any PMS type symptoms. So, those not in Sydney, keep an eye on any odd murders that happen in Sydney. Those in Sydney, I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me but fuck you for getting in my way, die now! etc.
*Mebbe just the one then?
14 comments:
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Or, to put it in a less succint way, chocolate is a healthy and life-affirming product and should by no means by forsworn or forsaken.
(This message brought to you by Tim and a plate of chocolate peanuts he discovered on his desk at work.)
Woah woah woah, discovered? Like, what, you have a secret admirer who presses upon you chocolate peanuts? You shifted the mountains of paperwork, in a slow and highly tectonic manner, and discovered (under the crust of memos and mantle of intra-office mail), tada, a rich seam of that rarest of rare-earth metals, chocolatepeanutium-224 (purported to be the key component in the process of in-mouth luke-warm fission)?
Yeah, Tim, it should - by me anyway. Do me good, yeah.
Martin, I rather wondered that myself then I reasoned that someone's probably just trying to bribe him into doing something. Despite not ever having met Tim I am quite convinced that with the right combination of food you could pretty much get him to do anything.
Also, will it make you both cry if I mention that I think chocolate peanuts are an abomination?
...But great to find someone who’ll work for peanuts.
My tip for the chocolate is not to give it up, but, in fact, to allow yourself as much as you like. *waits for gasps and exclamations to die down* But only of one type. And by that I mean one specific product from a single company.
Here’s how my theory works: chocolate pairs beautifully with countless other things (though not, of course, peanuts). From our hunter-gatherer origins, we’ve evolved to like food variety because of the different nutrients. The choc manufacturers play on this by releasing a myriad different flavour combinations, though these are typically just adding artificial flavourings. If you stick to just one, even if you gorge yourself your system will cut in and make it unappetising. You’ll quickly reach a point where you can enjoy the choc pick-me-up without overindulging. [ping] Next, please.
Right...so only the Haigs store...?
Alas, only the Haigh’s Dark Chocolate Truffle.
What a disappointing thought.
Still, Haigh's...
I'm not personally a big fan of the chocolate-peanutty combination either, but hey. It's worth putting up for the chocolate. As it turned out, I put up with a whole plateful of chocolate peanuts for the chocolate - in about 15 minutes flat.
Mmm, chocolate...
There's the Tim we all know...willing to put up with all manner of evil for the sake of love [of chocolate].
So, I occasionally do a de-chox, usually when I realise that my addiction has reached the point where two consecutive hours of chocolate deprivation is inducing headaches and depression. What you do is you give yourself a fixed time period, e.g., between the Tuesday after Easter and the Winter Solstice (say), and you talk about your de-chox to everyone, and impress upon them your great suffering, and then you notify the same persons that at 5 pm on the Winter Solstice you will be renewing your acquaintance with chocolate in a public ceremony (and here, hopefully without your having to explicitly ask, they bring you several kilos of Lindt).
Oh fuck, I just realised that Easter is next month. I may have chosen a really bad time for this. Damn.
Alexis, I do not want people seeing me gorge myself on chocolate - I like to keep my shame private. Except for the blog thing, of course. One day I will have reached critical mass with blogger meetings and will have to start a new more anonymous blog.
I'll give up the chocolate with you but can I keep the raspberry swirl/passionfruit icecream with the chocolate sauce and the crushed toasted almonds on top?
Not fussed with chocolate peanuts but there's not much I wouldn't do for chocolate coated almonds.
A decent choc-coated almond is a rare treat. I think chocolate is a big thing to give up, jahteh, and requires, er, compensation in other areas. Oh wait, no chocolate sauce! Everything else though...yeah, yum.
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